tout va bien

I secretely hate everything christmas. It involves Sarnia, and Sarnia reminds me of everything I once had and now do not. And that brings back everything shitty that has happened between my departure, and my inevitable, never-ending return.

The self-pity is so powerful, the guilt, the sadness, the desperation; it's making me ill. And I'm so low right now I can't even bring myself to apologize anymore. My one remaining recourse.

And these empty words, in an empty machine.

addendum (01/01/06): i don't want this shit posted -- in retrospect, off it comes