here and there

I am a sensualist. I need to be immersed completely in something to feel like I have any sort of perspective on it. I'm looking back at pictures of Cuba (on which I have tried very hard to avoid reminiscing...privately or otherwise).

I remember cuba like I remember childhood memories of running through sprinklers on summer evenings, or my favourite pair of red jellies (obviously with a bit more substance than shoes).

Or maybe not.

The way my brain works these days. I feel as if I file such things away under 'distant memories of sense'. When something stimulates me; a smell or a sound or an image, it suddenly becomes very vivid again. So vivid in fact that my toes curl and my cunt aches. Like missing a lover. ay carumba as they say.



Now that the country is entering a new level of uncertainty, the ache is more poignant than before. Not in my cunt granted. nb: I was flipping through my pictures trying to find one representative of my feelings at the moment and I can't seem to come up with any one thing. I could no more choose just one picture to represent the way I feel about Cuba than I could explain the vastness of the experience in one sentence. Just thought I would share.

reprise

sheesh...i never realized fully how annoyingly whiny i sound when i'm down and out. it's like i have a script in my head for when i'm blue and i just roll it out as if it's new or poetic or something. what a bunch of horseshit. if anybody happened to read yesterday's post, sorry i wasted five seconds of your time. i really am a fun person. i swear.

dear internet

i've stumbled somehow, somewhere..on my way to nowhere. i'm stuck and worse than not knowing how to move ahead, i don't even know if i want to. dangerous thoughts plague me...when i think of it. forgetting is comfortable; forgetting is easy. i only wonder if it's possible to never remember.

please tell me how. or show me the door.