I'm afraid to say as I don't want to be 'that blogger' that's always dragging you down old melancholy road everytime you read (who am I kidding...I am so 'that' one).
Instead, I'll share another small realization, though it may or may not allude to said avenida de melancholia. Like my made up Spanish? One part real word, one part fabrication, good enough for the blog. I don't know if it's my recent feelings of being unduly punished for supposed crimes, or just the sad nostalgia the holiday season brings, but I'm beginning to believe that the world is a morally neutral place with no higher meaning or power. It's made up to help me justify the unjustifiable. The meaninglessness. And I don't 'mean' that in a negative way...it just is...nothing. Nothing is punishing me, nothing will reward me, nothing cares about no-one, least though not last of all me, and the only good I'll ever get out of the world is that which I put in. So where has all the good in me gone? I could really use a spoonful or two...