by the time i get to the end of this post i'll be sober

i realized tonight, stumbling down an alley somewhere in parkdale, drunk and somewhat lost, that i've been looking for an epiphany. in relationships, in school, in experiences. but it doesn't work like that.

things like: "like, life is not a binary, it's just a sliding scale" and "is it easier to move on when you are the one who was wronged?"

i've been having fucked up dreams lately, and it makes me behave inappropriately when i'm drunk, because my subconscious is just itching to spew it's filthy guts all over the innocent bystanders. dreams of being charged by indescribably hideous beasts, and the death of absolute truth, and lost loves.

my youthful idealism has finally kicked it and the only meaning i see is that meaning is fucking vomit on the sidewalk..it's just pure random shit, that i, we, you, label as something bigger than it is. and maybe i'll just be ok if i stop trying to make vomit into something wonderful...